Not So Crazy After All

8^th Sunday after Pentecost

August 3, 2014

Genesis 32:22-31; Matthew 14:1-14

This morning, mamy preachers will be covering the familiar story of Jesus’ miracle of feeding thousands of people with five loaves and two fish.  You may have noticed, however, that we didn’t read that part of Matthew 14, and, in fact, stopped just before it.  That’s because I want to focus on what Jesus did just before he fed the five thousand.  It starts with the death of his cousin, John the Baptist.  The fact that a prophet met such a gruesome end as a beheading is not surprising.  But look at how Jesus reacts to hearing the news.  “When Jesus heard the news about John, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself.”  Jesus took time away.  He took time to himself.  He needed to grieve his cousin’s death and he created the space to do so.  He withdrew to a lonely place by himself.  Now, it didn’t last long.  The crowds followed him to this deserted place.  But how did Jesus respond?  He didn’t get upset and tell them to scram.  Instead, after taking a little time to himself he had compassion for the crowds and cured their sick.  Did he get as much time as he wanted to grieve?  Probably not.  But it was clear that the crowds who followed him needed him, and rather than respond with irritation at their constant need for him, he responded with love and compassion.  He knew that was his purpose, to love them. 

Jacob, in contrast, had to persevere first.  He was on his way to meet his twin brother, Esau, for the first time in many years.  You may remember that Jacob and Esau didn’t exactly get along growing up and that Jacob stole Esau’s blessing from their father, Isaac, by pretending to be Esau.  Jacob and Esau parted on the worst of terms.  And today’s story comes the night before they reunite for the first time.  Jacob is seriously worried about how this meeting is going to go.  He sends ahead of him lots of presents, hoping to appease Esau, because he really has no idea how Esau is going to react and seems to expect Esau to still hold a grudge after all these years.  So, the night before they meet again is when Jacob wrestles with a man until daybreak.  All night long they wrestle.  Neither one gains an advantage until the man dislocates Jacob’s hip, and then we have their conversation.  Apparently, even with a dislocated hip, Jacob is still not releasing his hold on this man.  But it’s daybreak, it’s time for him to go.  And Jacob will not let him go; he insists on a blessing.  In response, the man asks Jacob to identify himself.  In the Old Testament, names have a lot of meaning, and Jacob means trickster, or “he supplants,” or “heel grabber,” because he was born grabbing onto his brother Esau’s heel.  This is who Jacob has been.  Deceitful.  Tricky.  A con artist.  Jacob has to own up to what he has done and who he has been.  However, and here comes the redemption, the man gives Jacob a new name.  He effectively says, “Yes, this is who you have been.  This is no longer who you are.  You are now a new person and your new name is Israel.”  Israel means “the one who strives with God.”  Jacob’s past no longer defined him because he persevered until a new path was opened up to him.  He kept wrestling until he received a blessing, and in that blessing discerned God’s purpose for him and was able to meet his brother a new man. 

You persevere until you discern God’s purpose.  You have to keep wrestling through the hard times.  You don’t grow when things are easy.  It’s when things are hard that you learn the most about yourself and about God.  You push through it.  You keep wrestling until you get your answer from God. 

I mentioned a few weeks ago that before seminary I was a missionary in Nicaragua.  What I haven’t shared with very many of you is the story of how and why I returned to the U.S.  The simple answer is that God called me to return.  However, for me to discern that that was what God was saying was a hard and literally painful process.  I went to Nicaragua clear that God had called me to serve him there.  The mission agency I served with required a three year contract, which I happily agreed to, and actually considered extending to more years, because I knew without a doubt that I was in the place where my greatest joy met the world’s greatest need, to paraphrase Fredrick Buechner.  However, just shy of completing my first year I developed rheumatoid arthritis.  I think it had been building up over a couple months, but things came to a head when both my knees swelled up at the same time and I could hardly walk.  The doctor there put me on bed rest for ten days, so that I didn’t injure anything while so many joints were swollen.  And I decided to take the time as a personal retreat, to pay closer attention to God and discern what he had to say while I was on my butt that I couldn’t hear him say when I was up and about.  The word that came through, the purpose he had for me, was to return to the U.S. and go to seminary, to become a pastor.  It was literally a painful process.  And I persevered until I was positive I had heard God right, because it didn’t make sense to me.  After all, a disease doesn’t disqualify you from serving God in any setting, including a foreign country.  But I wrestled with God for those ten days.  It felt like I had dislocated my own hip.  And at the end, God sent me in a new direction, which a couple years later even involved a new name since I re-met my husband shortly after I returned to the U.S. and changed my name when we got married.  The other new name I received is “pastor.”  I identify a little bit with Jacob in this story.  I know about wrestling with God and I'm sure many of you do, too.  It is not easy.  It is not for the faint of heart.  But it is well worth the blessing at the end. 

Of course, the blessing isn’t actually the end of the story, either.  You persevere until you discern God’s purpose and then you serve God and others. The blessing isn’t the end of the story.  As God told Abraham, Jacob’s grandfather, you are blessed to be a blessing.  Once you discern God’s purpose, the last step is to act on that purpose and serve God and others.  After Jacob finally received his blessing, he was ready to meet with his brother and their reunion goes very well.  Jacob approaches Esau humbly.  And Esau is ready to let bygones be bygones.  They can start a new relationship, one not tainted by their past history.  I left Nicaragua, went to seminary, and am now a pastor.  And Jesus, who already knew his purpose, left his isolated spot and returned to the crowds to heal them and to feed them.   Wrestle until you receive the blessing, and that may be where you still are, wrestling.  But once you receive a blessing, then share it with others.  God doesn’t call us to be a reservoirs of his grace and love.  We are to be conduits, letting God’s love and light shine through us so that others can see him through our lives. 

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Well, wrestling with God all night long, or for days on end, may seem crazy to the world, and many people would give up.  We in the church, however, faithfully continue wrestling, because the blessing is worth it and is worth sharing with the world.  Eventually, Jacob got his blessing and reconciled with Esau.  Eventually, I got my confirmation that it was time to leave Nicaragua and I returned to the US.  Eventually, with a little perseverance, our path forward will be revealed, too, and we will follow it.  So maybe, just maybe, a little insanity isn’t so crazy after all.  Thanks be to God.  Amen.