Pat and Me

Pat and me, May 2001

Pat

Ms. Pat to my children

Mrs. Spencer to me when I was a child

I was young enough that I don't remember meeting the Spencer's. I was 6, almost 7, when we moved to Maryland and joined the Chapel of the Holy Spirit. Somewhere around when my youngest sister was born (when I was 9) I became more aware of them and my middle sister played a lot with their oldest granddaughter.

The first big role they played in my life was when I was 17. Their house was the place my mom chose to tell us that she and my dad were separating. Even more important (as if that weren't enough), John and Pat were the only family friends who did not choose sides in the divorce. It really hurt that so many did, but John and Pat did not and they made sure we kids knew we were loved.

Pat is actually the one I had the most conversations with about my parents' divorce, and about their marriage. I asked her the hard questions and the questions I didn't dare ask anyone else. Pat was a good observer, and patiently explained to me many of her observations from over the years.

As a young adult, I started visiting Pat and John any time I had a free week, beginning with spring break of freshman year of college. I went many times over the years, finding Pat and John's house a place I could sleep, read, fully relax, enjoy the sunshine, reflect, and just be. Pat didn't expect anything of me. And I just followed their schedule. It is still a place of sanctuary and peace.

My longest visit was when I was newly diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I lived with Pat and John for about six weeks in 2006 and learned from Pat how to live life with a chronic disease. Pat did it for practically her whole life, and freely and willingly taught me, mostly by example. Living daily with a chronic disease means everything changes. And you don't have control over the changes. Some days are good, some are bad, some you can predict, some you can't. Chronic disease affects everything in your life. Pat knew about that. And I learned all about it from her.

Finally, Pat could say things to me that no one else could, or would. She said things I needed to hear and said them out loud. I'm sure others thought I already knew them or something, but she'd pick out the ones I needed to hear and be told. Heather, you're like this. Heather, this is you. Or, "It's like this." She was good.

It's hard to know how to categorize her. Friend? Aunt? Godmother? Confidante? Mentor? I hadn't had a good conversation with her since my last trip, a week in February 2014, with my 17 month old daughter and newly pregnant with my son. Between her declining health and my preoccupation with two babies, I didn't see her again until a hospital visit in late December 2017. She was in the ICU, barely responsive, but she knew my mom and I were there and she joined in when we prayed for her and John. She KNEW we were praying. That was her faith. That's why, if I'm ever asked like Elisha, whose spirit I want a double portion of, my answer is my grandmas and Pat.

The Heart Covenant

5^th Sunday in Lent

March 18, 2018

Jeremiah 31:31-34; Psalm 51:1-12

Twenty years ago, contemporary Christian artist, Michael W. Smith, released a song called “Missing Person.” The refrain says, “There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain/ And like a child he would believe without a reason/ Without a trace he disappeared into the void and/ I've been searching for that missing person.” This kid “…used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow/ He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow/ It's been a long time and I haven't seen him lately but/ I've been searching for that missing person.” And the songwriter wonders what happened to him, how’d his “…heart evolved into a/ Rock beating inside of me”? And “Is there a way to return,” is there a way to find his way home? What happened to his faith? Is it possible for his faith to be as strong and on fire as it once was? Michael W. Smith doesn’t answer the question in the song. However, it’s the first song on the album, “Live the Life,” and if you keep listening, you’ll hear the answer in the other songs.

The truth is it’s a familiar problem. Psalm 51 that we read this morning we also read back on Ash Wednesday. That psalm is attributed to King David, his confession and prayer when the prophet, Nathan, confronted him with his own wrongdoing. You see, David was God’s chosen one. He was the one God sent Samuel to anoint, and his father, Jesse, had to go send for him in the fields where he was keeping the sheep. David’s the one who slew Goliath with nothing but some stones, a sling, and his unwavering trust in God. David was anointed King, even though he was not an heir to King Saul. God calls David “a man after my own heart.”[1] But even this handsome man of faith, handpicked by God, was not perfect. He saw Bathsheba bathing, and he wanted her. He was king, so he sent for her, and slept with her. She got pregnant. The problem was her husband, Uriel, was a soldier in David’s army and hadn’t been home in quite some time. David arranged for him to come home on leave, but Uriel wouldn’t sleep with his wife while his fellow soldiers were still in the midst of battle. So David sent him back to the battle and had him stationed in the front lines, where, as expected, Uriel was killed in battle. Then David sends for Bathsheba and thinks he’s gotten off scot-free. Except God knows what he’s done. And God is not pleased. God sends his prophet, Nathan, to confront David, whom Nathan does, and David confesses his sin and pours out his heart in Psalm 51. “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions… Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”[2]

This might also be the same prayer of God’s people when Jeremiah was the main prophet. By Jeremiah’s time, God’s people had reached the Promised Land, they had lived there for generations, they had tried to live according to God’s law, they had kings, including King David, and they had built a temple for the Ark of the Covenant, a place for God to dwell.  But now, Babylon has invaded and destroyed all that. The temple is gone. The line of kings descending from David has ended. And they’re in exile from the Promised Land. They lost it. They had it and they lost it. They are now also asking, “Now what? We messed up. We lost it. And we don’t even know our way back. The temple is gone. How are we going to worship God now?” Being settled for so many centuries, they had forgotten their history of worshiping God in the strange land of Egypt and through the forty years of wandering in the desert. Therefore, through Jeremiah, God says, “The time is coming when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel… It will not be like the old covenant that I made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand and led them out of Egypt… The new covenant that I will make with the people of Israel will be this: I will put my instructions deep within them, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.”[3] Israel has a way to return. The temple is rebuilt within the century, and then they have their place of worship back. And God offers a new covenant, one written on their hearts.

If you’ve noticed, the covenants have gotten closer.[4] We began Lent five weeks ago with Noah and “the rainbow with its promise is way up in the sky.” Then we had Abraham and the stars, also up in the sky. “The Ten Commandments are rules written on stone tablets kept in the holy of Holies in the Temple.” Last week we read about the snake up on the pole, another symbol to look up toward. Now, “Jeremiah says that one day God will write a covenant on our hearts.” In other words, it’s gotten personal, within our very person. God’s gotten personal, and not just with us. God is preparing to send the person of his son, Jesus, to come and save us and restore us. A new covenant. One right here in person. One who lives in our hearts and has the power to change our hearts, to create clean hearts in us, if we are willing.

You see, that “Missing Person” song could also have been written about us. Those of us who grew up in the church. Those of us who, when we first came to know Jesus, had such a strong faith that it could move mountains. Those of us who have taken time away from the church and come back different. Those of us who never left but with faith whose fire has cooled. What happened to cool it could be any number of things: burnout, lack of direction, poor mentoring, righteous anger, pride, envy, fatigue, just to name a few possibilities. Something got in the way, and just as important, we let that something get in the way. Sleeping in on Sunday morning once makes it a whole lot easier to do it a second time. Giving an excuse to not go to bible study once makes it a whole lot easier to just say no the next time and not even bother with an excuse. When you break your New Year’s resolution, or your Lenten discipline, do you give up and say, well, that’s that? Or do you allow yourself grace and try again the next day?

There’s a reason why Psalm 51 has all these words that begin with “re-”. “Renew a right spirit within me” means that steadfast spirit was there before and we want one again. “Restore to me the joy of your salvation” means we’ve known that joy before and we long to know it again. So what do you do when your faith has cooled? First, most importantly, stay in that relationship with God. That’s what makes it a covenant and not a contract.[5] Once a contract is broken, usually that’s it. But a covenantal relationship goes on, even if one party violates the terms. A contract is a business arrangement, a legal agreement, but a covenant is a promise of commitment of two parties to each other. You may need some remedial work, but the relationship continues. As we mentioned last week, you may need to face some past sin or hurt or grievance that you’ve held onto and is keeping you from a fully healthy relationship with God. So, keep praying! If you’re not sure, keep praying! Keep talking with God. Listen for what God has to say to you. And if God asks you to do something, do it. Stay in relationship. Keep praying. And, finally, keep serving. Remember, we serve because God calls us to. We don’t serve because of how we feel about it or how we feel after it or what we get out of it. Serving isn’t about us. So, stay the course. Stay faithful. Trust that Easter is coming even when it feels like you’re on Good Friday, or worse yet, on Holy Saturday, the day when God was silent. Trust that Easter is coming and you will be restored to the joy of God’s salvation.

We have a great Wesleyan term for this process, it’s called sanctification. This is your life after you accept salvation. It’s God’s sustaining grace, as we continue to grow more like Jesus. It’s the Holy Spirit working in us, perfecting us, sanctifying us. This is where we are purified and refined, and as the dross and impurities are removed from us, remember it’s done through fire. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be consumed in the fire. Sometimes we get distracted by the fire, and take our eyes off God. Yet there’s that great verse from the hymn, “How Firm a Foundation,” that says, “When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design. Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.”[6] And as you are sanctified and made more like Jesus, “sanctifying grace is where we figure out that it’s not ‘all about me’ and begin to participate in God’s redemption in the world.”[7] As our covenant with God is written on our hearts, we stop focusing inward and instead move outward in service. God calls us to join him in his work of restoring the world, of making things right again, of restoring his image in each person, of renewing each person to become the person God intended for them to be, so that each of us can live with grace in whatever season of life we find ourselves in.

Let us pray... Lord, for all of us who are missing persons, for those of us whose faith no longer burns quite so brightly, recreate in us new hearts, renew a right spirit within us, and restore us again to the joy of your salvation. Amen. 

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[1] Acts 13:22

[2] Verses 1, 10

[3] Jeremiah 31:31-33, from GNT and NLT

[4] All quotes in this paragraph are from https://worshipingwithchildren.blogspot.com/2015/02/year-b-fifth-sunday-in-lent-2015.html

[5] Preaching God’s Transforming Justice, Year B, p. 166

[6] UMH 529

[7] James Harnish, A Disciple’s Path, Daily Workbook, p. 23

The Snake Covenant

4^th Sunday in Lent

March 11, 2018

Numbers 21:4-9; Ephesians 2:1-10; John 3:14-21

            This Lent we’ve been looking at different covenants that God made with his people in the Old Testament. We began with Noah and the rainbow. Then we read about God’s covenant with Abraham and descendants as numerous as the stars. Last week we looked at the ten commandments. This week is another covenant involving Moses. After Moses leads God’s people out of Egypt, out of slavery, crossing the Red Sea on dry land, you’d think the people would be, what? Grateful. In awe of what God can do. Appreciative. But they’re not. At least five times they complain against Moses. There’s a “Back to Egypt” committee that would rather go back to being slaves and how life used to be. They complain that the water is bitter, and God tells Moses how to sweeten the water. They complain about the lack of food, and God provides manna. They complain that they’re thirsty, and God tells Moses to strike the rock and out spurts good drinking water. Then they ask for some meat to go with the manna, they don’t want to be vegetarian, and God provides quail. All these complaints are why the Israelites wander in the wilderness for 40 years. It’s not because they got lost. It’s not because Moses didn’t want to stop and ask for directions. It’s because even after all God has done for them, rescuing them from slavery and leading them to the Promised Land of Canaan, they still complain. So, God said that that generation that came out of Egypt would not live to enter the Promised Land. It took 40 years for all of them to die off and it was their children who got to go into Canaan.

            Today’s Old Testament reading is the fifth time that the people complain. And this time, they don’t just complain against Moses, they also complain against God. They say that there’s no food and no water and they hate the food (which means there is food), but you know how a lot of times what someone complains about isn’t actually what they’re upset about? The people aren’t really upset about the food. They can live with it. It says they became impatient on the way. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How much longer? [Pause.] Now how much longer? And the truth was they had years to go! I mentioned a couple weeks ago that God does not do things on our schedule. And the people are impatient. They grumble and complain. They do not trust God to take care of them and provide for them. They don’t trust God’s timetable. They speak against God and against Moses. What does God do? He sends poisonous snakes among the people , who bite the people, and many people die. Now, God’s got their attention. And the people confess to Moses, “We have sinned by speaking against the Lord and against you. Please pray the Lord will take the snakes away from us.”

            Confession, repentance, and forgiveness were among the themes that we talked about in bible study last week.[1] One of the things said in the study was that we don’t change until we acknowledge that we need to change. Too often we instead find ourselves justifying our sin, offering excuses for it, or just plain in denial that we need to change. When we ask God to “bless this mess,” it means we don’t really want to change. “We may long for a better life and even lament the hardships and struggles that our sins bring, but we don’t necessarily want God to give us something truly new and different.”[2] Sometimes it takes something drastic, like snakes, for us to be ready to confess what we did wrong and be ready for change. Because the Israelites started dying from snake bites, they were finally ready to be honest with themselves and with God and admit that they had sinned and needed help. They hit bottom and were forced to change if they wanted to live. The last sentence in the chapter we read for bible study last week says that “We must recognize that God doesn’t want to bless our mess; he wants to fix it, with our help.”

God offers a way out of the mess. For the Israelites, the way out looked like a bronze snake that was set up on a pole and everyone who was bit by a snake could look at this bronze snake and live. There are at least two interesting things to note about this healing offered to the Israelites. First is that the people had to change their focus to be saved. Instead of focusing on themselves, their snake bites, their impatience, and their lack of good food, in other words, instead of focusing inward, they had to look outward to be healed. And not just look down at the ground in front of them, but look up to the top of this pole. They had to change their focus. This can happen to us, too, when we’re hurting. We focus on our hurt, our pain, our loss, what’s happened to us, but we can’t save ourselves by ourselves. We need God’s help. And so we look to him, and God’s always ready to help.  He’s like the father of the prodigal son, waiting with arms open wide for us to turn back to him.

The other interesting thing is that the people had to look on the very thing that was causing their death in order to receive life. Can you imagine if snakes were around, biting people, would you ever want to see another snake again in your life?! But this symbol of their fear is put up on a stick and they have to face it, they have to look at it, in order to be healed. Could you do that? If a symbol of your fear were put on a stick and held in front of you, could you face it? That had to be hard, and yet worth the cost, because facing your fear meant life instead of death. In my research for today, I read that 36% of all adults in the United States list snakes as their number one fear.[3] And yet one of the suggestions for children’s time for today was to bring in a live snake! You’ll be happy to know that while I put a rainbow on the altar for Noah and a star on the altar for Moses, I decided to not put a snake on the altar for today. The people had to look at what was causing them harm in order to live. The newest Marvel Comics TV show that dropped on Netflix this past week has the heroine doing the same thing. Jessica Jones has to face what happened to her 17 years ago that gave her her super powers. She spent 17 years avoiding it, and in the new season of her show, they have her learning about it and facing it. I haven’t watched all of the episodes yet to find out what happens, but I expect some resolution by the end. Likewise, God’s people had to be honest with what they had done wrong, face it, confess, and God offered them a way out in order that they might live.

Thankfully, God offers a way out of the mess for us, too. The passage we read from John was part of Jesus’ conversation with Nicodemus. Nicodemus was a Pharisee, a member of the Jewish ruling council, and, out of fear of what others might say, came to Jesus under the cover of night. They have a great conversation about salvation and eternal life and Jesus makes a reference to the story of Moses and the people and the snake. “Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.” This is where our healing comes from; his name is Jesus. Just as that bronze snake was lifted up on a pole, so also Jesus was lifted up on the cross to save us, that “whoever believes in him might not perish, but have eternal life.” Jesus is our way out of our mess. Now some of the same things still apply as to the Israelites. We have to acknowledge that we need help. That we can’t do it by ourselves. We have to acknowledge what we’ve done wrong and how we’ve messed up and ask forgiveness. And that can be painful. It can be painful to face the hurt you’ve caused yourself and others. It can be painful to be completely open and honest. But that’s where real change comes from. We have to open up in honesty, at least to God and to ourselves. Confess. Repent. Ask for and receive forgiveness. God’s already offering it. Forgive others the wrong they’ve done to you. Forgive yourself for messing up. All of these things keep you from God, and unfortunately, or, rather, fortunately, the cross comes before the resurrection. Suffering comes before redemption. Sometimes the night gets darker before the light comes, and you know the darkest part of the night is always right before the dawn.

Jesus calls us to look at him and be healed, to believe in him and be saved, to confess where we’ve messed up and receive forgiveness. Then we are called to go and offer healing to others. The healing doesn’t come from us; it comes through us, as we allow God to work in our lives. Remember what we read in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Salvation is what Jesus does, not us, yet it is freely offered to everyone, that’s what makes it grace. The offer of unconditional love regardless of what you’ve done, yet accepting it means admitting what you’ve done. “The bottom line of both the snakes in the wilderness and Jesus forgiving from the cross is that God loves and takes care of us even when we mess up,”[4] and that’s what grace is. It takes courage to face your fear, to name the ways you’ve messed up, to repent and to forgive. It takes courage to shift your focus from yourself to others. Yet we are called to live in healthy and holy relationships with each other. It’s called a covenant. We are all on this Christian journey together and we invite others to join us, in this “community of love and forgiveness, [where we] grow in [our] trust of God, and [are] found faithful in [our] service to others. We will pray for [each other], that [we all] may be true disciples who walk in the way that leads to life.”[5] Thanks be to God. Amen.

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[1] Restored: Finding Redemption in Our Mess by Tom Berlin

[2] Ibid., p. 57

[3] Feasting on the Word, Year B, Volume 2, p. 101

[4] https://worshipingwithchildren.blogspot.com/2015/02/year-b-fourth-sunday-in-lent-march-15.html

[5] UMH 35

The Tablet Covenant

3^rd Sunday in Lent

March 4, 2018

Exodus 20:1-17; 1 Corinthians 1:18-25; John 2:13-22

1.     God has already done so much for them

a.      God has already brought them out of slavery in Egypt, thru Red Sea, sustained them with manna in wilderness, and brought them to Mt Sinai

b.     God gave so many rules (613, more than just 10) to Moses on mountaintop that people got restless and made golden calf, breaking 1^st two commandments. Moses broke tablets and later God made new set

c.      Laws keep going thru Exodus 23; confirmed and God gives Moses tablets in Exo. 24, Moses on mountain 40 days & nights, more laws Exo. 25-31

d.     Then golden calf incident (Exo. 32) while Moses gone – Moses comes down mtn with tablets from God, sees calf, and breaks tablets to pieces

e.      Exo. 33 – Moses & Lord talk

f.       Exo. 34 – God tells Moses to chisel out 2 stone tablets like the 1st ones and God write the words of the covenant on them (get put in ark of covenant)

g.     Torah = law = direction = teaching

h.     Not rules/legalism/moralism but what God himself says about who he is and how he is to be worshipped and honored (practices of those in covenant with him)

2.     God’s wisdom not same as human wisdom (1 Cor 1)

a.      Contrast with what society says (productivity is good, more important than sabbath; advertising industry built on coveting; not self-made, we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us)

b.     Negative version of 10 commandments sounds familiar:[1]

1. You shall have no other gods before me. You are your own boss.  Do whatever you want to do whenever you feel like it. 

2.    You shall not make any idols. Decide who and what is important to you.  Pay attention only to those people and things.

3.    You shall not wrongfully use the name of the Lord your God. It does not matter when or how you say God’s name.  You can use it to swear or cuss or to get what you want (as in “God is on my side so you better do things my way”) – not just cursing.

4.    Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. It doesn’t matter if you worship with God’s people on Sunday/regularly.  If there are other things you’d rather do, go do them.

5.    Honor your father and mother. Parents don’t get it.  Ignore them whenever you can.

6.    You shall not murder. Kill whatever or whoever gets in your way.  The strongest live longest. Also includes angry & hateful thoughts (commit murder in your mind)

7.    You shall not commit adultery. Don’t worry about your family.  Think only about yourself and what you want.

8.    You shall not steal. Finders keepers! Toddler’s Rule of possession: I see it, I want it, it’s mine! If you want it, figure out how to get it.

9.    You shall not bear false witness. Lie if you have to get out of trouble. Lie to get what you want. Lie to make yourself look good – even if it makes someone else look bad.

10.You shall not covet. The one who dies with most toys wins. The world is full of wonderful things.  Get your share.

c.      Unlike the world’s wisdom, God’s wisdom about how to live as people who have already received grace. God’s wisdom is about how to live in love with God and live with each other

3.     Jesus sums up/fulfills law:

a.      An expert in the law tests Jesus in Matt 22, asking what’s the greatest commandment. Jesus says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

                                                             i.      “Love God” from Shema in Deut. 6:5

                                                           ii.      “Love neighbor” from Lev. 19:18

b.     This is what it means to love God (1-5) & love neighbor (6-10)

c.      Not always easy; conflict is natural because of the diversity of creation and because all of us who are created different try to live together and be in relationship with each other. 

d.     Unity in the early church isn’t a unity of opinion.  Instead, this is a unity of purpose and mission and values.

e.      Working towards transforming the conflict means that we’re committed to staying in relationship no matter what, like a married couple for whom divorce is not an option.

f.       Baptismal vows: “surround them with a community of love and forgiveness.” That means we are united the midst of our diversity.  That means we don’t let our differences become barriers and walls between us.  That we forgive each other when someone does us wrong.  The last vow includes a promise to increase their faith, confirm their hope, and perfect their in love. We are all on this Christian journey together.  We don’t do this alone.

Laws are gift to structure common life, to shape lives worthy of God

·        “To be bound in covenant with God is to be set free to live as God’s people” Feasting on the Word, Year B, Volume 2, p. 76

·        The way we attend to God shapes the way we attend to our neighbor

·        Faithful worship of God leads to proper love of neighbor

·        Lent not about legalism or moralism, but journey of deepening holiness

·        Not doing ok b/c keep 8 out of 10, but whenever break any of them, fabric of relationship with God & each other torn apart

·        Opportunity to confess, renew, and increase in faith

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[1] https://worshipingwithchildren.blogspot.com/2015/02/year-b-third-sunday-in-lent-march-8-2015_7.html