Monday, February 10, 2020

My Call Story


5th Sunday after the Epiphany
February 9, 2020
Isaiah 58:1-12; Psalm 112; Matthew 5:13-20

            This is a week when I’m extra glad that I follow the lectionary because Isaiah 58 is exactly what I needed to spend time with this past week. On Tuesday I go before the Board of Ordained Ministry for an oral exam, the last big step in full ordination. And I have been extremely stressed about it. I’m trying not to be, but I can feel it in my body and in my eating habits. And so, to reread Isaiah 58, especially that middle section, has been extremely providential and this morning, in preparation for this exam, I’m going to share with you my full call story. As I’ve shared other times, my call to be a pastor began with my call to serve God in Nicaragua. Isaiah 58, especially verses 6-8, was my call passage for Nicaragua.
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.”
I “discovered” that passage in my early 20s, and it convicted me and it stayed with me. I was doing my master’s in education at the time and trying to figure out where I was going to teach when I finished. I applied to the Department of Defense to teach abroad. I applied to a school district out in Arizona where I had just visited a friend. I ended up back in North Carolina, teaching at an elementary school that was one of the feeder schools for the high school where I graduated. But I was still discerning: what does this mean? What is God calling me to? At the same time I was involved in a Disciple II Bible Study, first at the church where I was in grad school and then continued it at my home church in North Carolina. (Has anyone here done a Disciple Bible Study? I love them. They do require a commitment, but if y’all are ready, I’d love to lead one here, too.) In Disciple II, you spend the first half on Genesis and Exodus and the second half is Luke and Acts. Disciple involves daily reading with note-taking and for this study, it had been suggested to divide our notes into two sections: I read and God said; a summary of the passage we read and what we heard God saying through that passage. Well, we got to Acts and all of my “God said’s” were along the lines of “Heather, can you do this? Can you go where I send you, like Paul and Barnabas? Can you be full of truth and grace, like Stephen?” and so on. When I saw the pattern, I was like, all right God, what are you asking? Where am I supposed to go?
I started researching different mission agencies, Methodist, other denominations, and non-denominational. I was intrigued by Food for the Hungry because of three things: it offered health insurance (not all mission agencies do), it went to Latin America (and I was already proficient in Spanish), and they had a very clear mission and vision statement of why they do what they do. You hear me talk about wishy-washy mission statements or the phrase “we do good things because we’re supposed to”? That’s because that’s the mantra of too many mission agencies. We don’t do good things because we’re supposed to. We do good things because Jesus calls us to do them and Jesus calls us to specific good things. Food for the Hungry has a week-long orientation program before you even apply to go to the field. It’s time for them to get to know you and you to get to know them. That week was the first time I ever shared the pull that Isaiah 58 had on my heart. Others there had their passages. Every pastor you meet will have a call passage. Isaiah 58 is mine.
Food for the Hungry and I determined we were a good fit for each other and they offered me three teaching positions: one in Peru, one in Guatemala, and one in Nicaragua. Nicaragua was the only one where I’d be teaching children, and y’all know I have a heart for children. I was an elementary school teacher. I had to live off support and you had to have a certain percentage raised and committed before you were allowed to start. I don’t remember the numbers anymore, but you had a one-time set-up budget for initial costs, like your plane flight there, buying a bed, those kinds of set-up costs. I think you had to have at least 75% of that raised before you could even buy your plane ticket. Then there was your monthly budget, rent, food, those kinds of things, including a tithe built in, 10% for you to give to whatever church you became part of or how you saw fit to give away. That was covered through pledges; people pledged to give so much each month for the three years I was to serve there. I raised funds and prayer partners quicker than anyone else who was at my orientation week with me. It was a God thing. I finished my second school year in North Carolina and that summer went to Phase Two of orientation, getting ready to actually serve on the ground. In September I moved to Nicaragua.
I fell in love, with the country, with the people, with the food, with the culture. I thought I was going to stay longer than my three-year contract. I thought I might never move back to the U.S. My mom came down to visit and said she’d never seen me so happy in my entire life. In Nicaragua, Food for the Hungry has combined with about 10 other mission agencies plus many locals to form the Nehemiah Center. That fall I joined their education component, who was in the middle of visiting and evaluating Christian schools on the western side of the country (also where most of the population lives). Unlike ours, their school year follows the calendar year and so when the new school year started in January, I started teaching at two of those Christian schools that I had already visited, plus one day a week going out to the small rural community of Santa Maria, who had been devastated by Hurricane Mitch. I lived with a host family. I had a great teammate who lived with relatives of my host family. There were two other American families nearby who were serving with other mission agencies. Life was very good. I was actively living out Isaiah 58.
And then I got sick. I had dengue fever the first Christmas I was there and gotten over it. And I’d had a couple joints, like my right pointer finger, randomly swell up. But I’d ignored them and moved on. Then it was my knees, which I couldn’t ignore so easily, because it hurt to walk. Then it was all the joints acting up all at the same time. I went to the doctor I’d seen when I had dengue, and his diagnosis was the same as my best friend’s, who was in med school at the time: rheumatoid arthritis. He put me on bedrest for a week, acknowledging how hard it was for me to stay still like that. And I took it as a personal retreat time to figure out what God had to say to me when I was on my butt that I couldn’t hear God say to me when I was more active. On the first day of bedrest I had emails from two Methodist pastors, both of whom had separately told me when I was fund-raising that when I returned from Nicaragua I’d be ready for seminary. Their emails that day both said, don’t forget. And so I spent that week in prayer, journaling, reading my bible, talking with close friends, trying to discern what God was saying and what was next. Just because I had RA didn’t mean I had to leave Nicaragua. But the Word that came was that God was doing a new thing. Three years had never felt like the right number, not because it was supposed to be higher, but because it was going to be lower. God had other plans. 
Lee and me with my host family, the last time I was in Nicaragua
 Y’all know most of the rest of the story. I came back. I went to seminary. I re-met Lee and this time, we fell in love and got married. I served two churches in North Carolina before God did another new thing and brought us up here to Maryland. In the move, the Baltimore-Washington Conference had me start the ordination process over again from the beginning. When I was commissioned three years ago was the earliest I was eligible for provisional ordination. This year, ten years after finishing seminary, 13 years after leaving Nicaragua, is the first time I am eligible to go forward for full ordination. It has been a long journey. It has been a different journey than any of my colleagues. It all started with Isaiah 58.
“Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? …Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?... If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.”
            “Instead of the traditional fast days, ‘the fast that I choose,’ says God, is a whole new way of life.” Fasting is no longer something you do for one day every now and then. “Instead, fasting is a new set of relationships within ongoing life. The fasting acceptable to God is a daily fast from domination, blaming others, evil speech, self-satisfaction, entitlement and blindness to one's privilege. The fast that God seeks calls for vigilance for justice and generosity day in and day out.”[1] It’s a different way of life. It’s a different way of being in the world. And you don’t have to leave home and family and go to another country to do it. It ties in with the kindness we talked about last week, because essentially God is saying fast from unkindness.
            Let your light shine. Don’t worry about rejection. Take courage. Jesus said, “You are the light of the world… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Let your light shine. In our psalm we read that those who have a right relationship with the Lord “rise in the darkness as a light for the upright.” You are the light of the world. Let your light rise up. Let it shine. Let it break forth, to go back to Isaiah 58.
            Actually, it’s not a choice in Isaiah 58; it’s a promise. “If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.” There are a few more promises, too, if you keep reading. In this part of Isaiah, the people have returned after the exile back to Jerusalem. They have to rebuild the city and their community. God reminds them their moral choices have consequences and that God expects them to be both restored and restorative people. When you let God into your life, when you partner with God in God’s fast, then your light will break forth and your light shall rise in the darkness. Thanks be to God!

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Shine Light on Kindness


4th Sunday after the Epiphany
February 2, 2020
Micah 6:1-8; 1 Corinthians 1:18-31; Matthew 5:1-12


            I saw this yellow bumper sticker on a car a few weeks ago, and then saw it again when I went to Books with a Past, the secondhand bookstore in Glenwood. Has anyone else seen it before? What struck me about it was that it seemed like a secular paraphrase of Micah 6:8, that wonderful verse that says, “What does the Lord require of you? To do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” “Do what is just” is “do justice.” “Do what is kind” is “love kindness.” “Do good," well, that’s the only one that’s not an exact match. Micah 6:8 is the theme verse for the mission agency I served with in Nicaragua. It was on the t-shirt I got at orientation and it’s engraved above their parking lot at their U.S. office in Phoenix. Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly with your God. It sums up what God expects of you. It answers the question in any given situation of “what should I do?” You should do the right thing to do, that’s justice. You should do what is kind. You should not be arrogant or presumptuous about it. There’s another bumper sticker I’ve seen around that reminds us that this is a choice: #choose2Bkind. Choose kindness over cruelty. Choose justice over injustice. Choose humility over egotism. Choose to be kind.
            Why? Because there’s an awful lot of unkindness out there. There is more malice and spite and meanness and harshness and heartlessness and there doesn’t have to be. There’s a lot of unnecessary cruelty when it would have cost you nothing to be kind instead. Let’s talk politics. Yes, I am going there. A study came out last week by the Pew Center showing how our partisan divide has gotten deeper over the past five years.[1] Only the last five years. You wouldn’t think that much had changed since 2014. It doesn’t seem that long ago. And our country was divided then, too. Well, we have grown more divided. Here’s your homework for this week: have a conversation with someone with whom you disagree politically and do it with kindness. That means no yelling, no put-downs, no shaming. It means listening, really listening to what the other person has to say. It also means being present in the moment and not thinking about your to-do list or how you want to respond, or how you wish you could respond if your pastor hadn’t insisted you be kind. Listen to the other person. Repeat back what you hear them say. We all want to feel heard. You can repeat back, “I heard you say... X” without agreeing with X. You can love kindness and practice kindness and choose to be kind without being likeminded.  If your like-mindedness and source of commonality is kindness, then you can talk about any topic under the sun! Make kindness and love your starting point.
            Hillsong Church is a Pentecostal megachurch in Sydney, Australia. Part of their ministry is a huge music ministry, including writing and recording many of their own songs, which have become well-known around the world. One of my favorites is “Mighty to Save,” which came out in 2006. It begins by saying, “Everyone needs compassion, a love that’s never failing, let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the hope of nations.” Everyone needs compassion. Everyone needs love. Everyone needs mercy. Everyone needs kindness. And not wishy-washy niceness but true, authentic kindness. Love kindness.
            Micah was writing in the 8th century BC, most likely during the reign of King Hezekiah. Israel had prospered economically under the previous kings but, with increased prosperity also came, as we know, increased egotistic materialism and mistreatment of the poor by the ruling elite. Israel hadn’t forsaken God or gone back into idol practices; Israel was still talking the talk and worshiping God, at least with the words they used. However, they were no longer walking the walk. They were no longer doing what God had commanded them to do from the beginning: to take care of the poor and the marginalized, the orphan, the widow, the immigrant and the refugee, those who need help. Their mouths were still worshiping God but they were not practicing justice and kindness and humility. Their lives had become very unethical according to how God wanted them to live and treat others. That’s why God got upset with them and sent Micah to scorn them. God brought you out of Egypt, redeemed you from slavery, and sent leaders to guide you. Remember your journey. Is the Lord going to be pleased with burnt offerings and sacrifices when you’re also trampling on the poor? No! “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” That’s what God wants from you.
            It is not what the world wants from you. Our society says self-promotion and self-aggrandizement are the way to go. It doesn’t matter who you trample on to get to the top. The ends justify the means. And if you trample on people who are undeserving or poor or otherwise disadvantaged, well, too bad for them. You’re gonna get yours. You deserve yours. Watch and see how many Super Bowl commercials tonight tell that message. Or it’s like Sally in the Charlie Brown Peanuts Christmas special, “All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.” That’s not how God works. God knows what you need, and provides it. God does abundance, not fair shares. And, God doesn’t follow the wisdom of the world. Instead, “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus.” “The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing;” it doesn’t make sense. It’s not how the world works. The cross says, “Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord.” The cross says, “Love your neighbor as yourself. And oh, by the way, everyone is your neighbor.” The cross says, “You can learn from anyone, even those you would deem un-smart or foolish.” That’s one way you “entertain angels unawares.” The cross says it’s not about upward social mobility but downward social mobility. Downsize your house and your cars. Don’t buy more than you need. Share freely with what you have. Have a conversation and learn from someone who you wouldn’t normally expect to learn from. Those whom you would dismiss and disregard can teach you so much. Spend more time with the poor and those in desperate need of help. Engage in random acts of kindness.
And do it, anyway. Choose love, anyway, regardless of the reaction. Not everyone’s going to approve of your actions. Some folks are going to call you foolish. When I gave up my teaching job in North Carolina, sold my car, and became financially dependent on donations in order to answer God’s call to serve in Nicaragua, most people were supportive, including all church people. But one fellow teacher asked me what was I doing that for, if I’d really wanted to teach in Latin America I should have just asked her and she’d have hooked me up at her mom’s school in Argentina. She thought I was crazy. She didn’t understand.
Where we lived in White Marsh, I used to see a guy walking around the community, sometimes carrying bags of groceries. One time when it was raining, I stopped and offered him a ride. I knew it was risky, but I’d seen him around and it was pouring rain. He didn’t accept. He put his hand up and kept on walking. Not everyone is going to accept your kindness, and that’s okay. Offer it, anyway.
Sometimes people are going to take advantage of your kindness. Years ago, I participated in Christmas in July in Philadelphia and we helped repair someone’s home in West Philly. One year, the couple was very appreciative and grateful. The husband actually worked with us and the wife was in the other room saying prayers. The other year, the house was filthy. We had to clean before we could start work. When we came back the second day, the homeowner had undone some of our work, ripped the doorframe out of the wall. I actually had nightmares about that house, it was so intense. And all the homeowner did the whole time we were there was watch TV. That was actually the first year I participated. Then I went back the second year for a completely different experience with that other couple. We help, anyway. We love kindness, anyway, even when others aren’t kind toward us. But you know what they say next door at Lisbon Elementary School? Kindness is contagious. When you are kind, when you #choose2Bkind, it inspires others to be kind, too.
My cousin tends to post quotes about kindness on her Facebook page. She calls it her protest against hate. This past week she shared two. The first one said, “Today you could be standing next to someone who is trying their best not to fall apart. So whatever you do today, do it with kindness in your heart.” You never know what someone else is going through, or what life is like in their shoes, the choices they’ve had to make, the tragedies they’ve dealt with. In line next to someone at the store, or behind another driver on the road, or anywhere else you are, they might be trying their best not to fall apart. So be kind. The second quote from a couple days ago said, “Are you still alive? Are you still breathing? There’s still time left today to do something compassionate and kind and loving. Don’t waste it.” It’s never too late to be kind. It’s never too late to #choose2Bkind. Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly with your God. Actively, intentionally choose to do those things this week. Have that conversation. And let me know how it goes. Let’s see if we can work to bridge that divide, or fill some dirt into that chasm. I don’t think any of us want to see our divisions get worse over the next five years. It would practically be a civil war. So, be counter-cultural, which we are, anyway, by following Jesus. Practice justice and kindness and humility instead.

Monday, February 3, 2020

A Reflection on My Facebook Feed After Last Night's Halftime Show


Here’s what I observed on my Facebook feed about the halftime show. Read carefully and please recognize that I recognize I am making some broad statements.

Every negative comment was by a white person.

Every person of color who commented said something positive.

Some white people said positive things, too.

The positive and the negative comments did not overlap. For example, no one said that objectification of women is a good thing. And no one denied the fantastic physical shape that Shakira and Jennifer Lopez are in.

We’re having two different conversations.

We white people are so quick to criticize people of color, without also pointing out any great things, and rarely do we celebrate aspects of people of color’s culture that don’t overlap with white culture.

As a result, people of color are put on the defensive and can’t talk about the problematic things like overt sexualization because they must instead build up their culture and point out all the positive.

This is white privilege. We don’t have to build up anyone’s culture because our culture is the dominant one and has been for centuries.

So, again, we’re having two different conversations.

We white people focus on the problems to the exclusion of anything positive, like the celebration of Latin culture, the amount of Spanish we heard on national TV, and the statement made by the children in cages representative of the border crisis.

That halftime show made a huge statement for the Hispanic/Latinx population, and rather than recognize that and applaud that, like I heard our Black brothers and sisters do, many of us whites have to pick it apart and put it down instead. This is white fragility. It would cost us nothing to be kind instead.

I noticed the same phenomenon in Facebook comments on my feed after BeyoncĂ©’s halftime show in 2013, too.