Psalm 13:2a
"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts?" (NIV)
"How long must I bear pain in my soul?" (NRSV)
I wrestle with my thoughts so often. I have trouble letting them go. I stew on them. I can't move past them. And they're always negative thoughts that I hold on to the longest. Pain, hurts, suffering, injustice, abuse. I wrestle and my mind gets stuck. Sometimes because of hormones, sometimes because of fatigue, sometimes because of sheer stubbornness. I don't want to move on. I don't want to let it go. I want the injustices done to me to be atoned for, to be avenged, to be corrected - and then some. I want to wallow in my misery and for everyone to acknowledge that it is justified, that my misery is self-righteous, this is how I ought to respond.
But not everyone will do that. Most will acknowledge it's justified. Some will wallow with you. But sometimes you meet someone who responds to injustice with grace and love. They may be wrestling with their thoughts on the inside, but outwardly their words and their actions reflect nothing but grace. That's not mind over matter. It's more like mind over mind. Yes, this is what I think and feel, but that's not how I'm going to act. My speech is going to be gracious. My actions are going to be gracious. Hypocrisy? Maybe. Or just choosing a better way. Choosing to get past those thoughts. Deciding that pain in your soul is not the last word about you. It's not usually the easiest thing to do, especially if that pain runs deep. But "I trust in God's unfailing, steadfast love... for he has been good to me" (Psalm 13:6).
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Don't Paint Your Face with a Screwdriver*
(*Special thanks to the Van Deven family for providing such great sermon illustrations!)
1 Kings 3:3-14; Ephesians 5:15-20
August 19, 2012
My new favorite blog to read this summer is written by the husband of a
friend of mine from college. It’s called
“The Parenting Dad.”[1] After their third child was born last year,
they decided it made the most sense for them for my friend to work full time
and for her husband to be a stay-at-home dad.
Around the same time, they started a Facebook page of “Rules I Thought
I’d Never Have to Make,” which eventually evolved into this blog. In this blog, my friend’s husband, Louie, expounds
upon some of those rules, tells stories, and offers tongue-in-cheek parenting
advice, such as “If your kids act up at the vet, you get seen quicker,” and “You
can save yourself a full load of laundry by keeping the kids topless during
meals.” Other advice is aimed at the
kids, like “Don’t take off your underwear at the table” and, of course, [pause]
“Don’t paint your face with a screwdriver.”
Some of these stories are familiar to anyone who’s worked with kids and
others are unique to being a stay-at-home dad.
These are comments Louie gets in public from folks who assume he’s
either divorced or laid off and that’s why he has the kids on a weekday at
Walmart. A large part of my fascination
with this blog is simply that I’m preparing for my own first child and I’m
soaking up the wisdom found in these hilarious stories. Whenever you’re starting on a new venture,
it’s good to seek out wisdom and advice.
And that’s precisely what Solomon does in our Old Testament reading this
morning. Solomon has just been made
king, succeeding his father King David, and he knows he is new at this and
needs help. Just as there is no
instruction manual for being a parent, there’s no instruction manual for being
a king, either. Solomon tells God that
he is “only a little child” and asks God for wisdom in order to govern God’s
people.[2]
Solomon’s reason in asking for
wisdom was in order to govern God’s people.
He knows that his early rule was flawed. After all, he was offering sacrifices in the
high places, which was against the laws laid out in Deuteronomy.[3] The sacrifices were supposed to be offered in
Jerusalem, not somewhere like Gibeon.
So, you need wisdom to be a good leader, whether you’re leading
in your workplace, in the community, at school, a small group at church, or in
your home. Solomon’s request for wisdom
is wise. You need wisdom to lead. I’ve mentioned before that when my husband
and I got our dog, we started watching “The Dog Whisperer” on TV. Cesar Millan is full of advice for dog owners
to become good pack leaders. The episode
that has stayed with me the most is one in which he worked with a lady who had
done some acting and he asked her about some of the different roles she’d
had. He stopped her when she mentioned
playing Queen Cleopatra and said that’s
who you need to channel when you walk your dog.
Walk your dog, lead as if you are the Queen, and your dog will behave
accordingly. This doesn’t mean walking
as if too snobby to look at your dog, but walking with authority, assuming you
will be obeyed, giving guidance, and offering corrections when disobeyed. Last fall, my husband and I went to see Cesar
when he came to Raleigh and the question-and-answer session was quite interesting. There was one lady who raised an issue she
was having with her dog’s eating and as Cesar asked more questions, the lady
gradually realized what she was doing wrong at mealtime – Cesar didn’t even
have to tell her! To lead your dog, to
be a leader at school or at work or at church, you need the wisdom to make the
right choices at the right times. And
there are lots of people out there willing to offer you their wisdom. But how do you know when it’s wisdom and when
it’s not? All that glitters is not gold,
and all advice you receive may not be wise.
Although I will say, I am counting on the parenting advice y’all give me
as being useful. Just throwing that out
there. Some advice seems obvious, like “Don’t
paint your face with a screwdriver,” and yet there are times it still has to be
said. To discern between the wise and
the unwise requires intelligence and experience, which brings me to my second
point.
You also need wisdom to be a good
learner. Whether you’re currently in
school or you’re a life-long learner, you still need wisdom. You need wisdom to decide what you’re going
to study, what new technique might bring your hobby to the next level of skill,
what new trick you want to learn. The
philosopher Socrates had a saying: “I know nothing except that I know
nothing.” Before you can learn something
new, you must first acknowledge that you don’t know it. When you’re in class or in a small group, you
need wisdom to figure out what questions to ask that will promote the
discussion and continue the conversation.
I imagine we’ve all been in settings where someone asks a questions that
sounds wise, maybe it has big words in it or they’re trying to show off what
they know, but the question isn’t helpful to the group. The question might be related to the topic,
but it doesn’t enhance anyone’s understanding of the topic. Wise questions are important as is knowing
and admitting when and what you don’t know.
It can take courage to admit you don’t know something. It takes wisdom to know you don’t know. And then you can go study it! It also takes wisdom to figure out how to
integrate what you know with the situation at hand. This may mean there are times you speak up
and times you are silent. Or it may mean
a mental connecting the dots as you relate what you know to something new and
develop some new brain synapses. Louie
thought that paint can was empty, that’s why he put the screwdriver in it. Now he knows that even when he thinks
something may be empty, a two year old will still find something at the bottom
to play with. Or, if you continue
reading 1 Kings 3, you get the story of Solomon’s wise ruling between the two
prostitutes about whose baby was alive.
Solomon had to take into consideration everything he knew about the
situation and about a mother’s love for her baby to make that ruling. Look it up and read it after church, it’s a
really interesting story.
Finally, you need wisdom to
discern good from evil and this is part of Solomon’s request for wisdom. Solomon doesn’t use the word “wisdom” in his
request, depending on the translation you read, he asks for an understanding or
discerning mind, and the ability to distinguish between good and evil.[4] And when God phrases it back to him in
granting his request, God calls it “understanding to discern what is right,” or
“discernment so as to acquire good judgment.”[5] Wisdom is about discernment. It’s about making judgments. It’s about figuring out what is right and
what is wrong, what is good and what is evil, what is from God and what is
not. When you use wisdom, you’re making
a choice. And the choice is influenced
by what you know, what others advise, and from your gut. Wisdom is not affected by how smart you are
intellectually. It’s governed by what
you trust to guide you, whether that’s close friends, the Bible, your heart, or
something else. God speaks in different
ways and he will guide you if you trust him and listen to whatever or whoever
he’s speaking through. There is lots of
wisdom in the Bible, both in the form of what to do and what not to do, said
explicitly in the form of rules and illustrated in stories. To gain wisdom, to trust God to guide you in
what’s right and wrong and learn how God does so, is a slow process. It doesn’t happen over night. It takes time and forming the habit of
chewing on the words of Scripture. If
you need a place to start, the past three Sundays we’ve been reading from
Ephesians and it’s been chockfull of wisdom.[6] A lot of it, including today’s reading, has
to do with what builds up the body of Christ.
Be careful how you live. Don’t be
foolish. Don’t lie. Don’t steal.
Watch the way you talk. Don’t be
bitter but be kind. Lead a life worthy
of the calling you have received. There
are some words to chew on. What’s it
mean to live a life worthy of the calling you’ve received? First, what is your calling? And then how do you live accordingly? Chew on that for a while, and you’ll gain
some wisdom.
Most wisdom comes through ordinary
people, like the bible writers, not from scholars in ivory towers. It’s within everyone’s grasp. And the goal of wisdom is a well-ordered life
and a peaceful mind. It’s a way of
living in the world such that God and God’s intentions for the world are
acknowledged in all we do.[7] It’s not the result of a high IQ but from a
heart attitude that the bible calls “the fear of the Lord.” The bible says, “The fear of the Lord is the
beginning of wisdom,”[8] whether
it’s to “speak the truth in love”[9] or
“don’t paint your face with a screwdriver.”
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A Day of Rejoicing - A Meditation on Psalm 130
I love Psalm 130 and yet for last night's Christian Expressions, I had a hard time deciding between the NRSV and the NIV. They're similar, and yet different. The NIV has plainer language, such as "sins" instead of "iniquities," and a couple other different phrasings, like "so that we can, with reverence, serve you" instead of "so that you can be revered." The one point I like better in the NRSV is v. 5-6, which say "my soul waits for the Lord" instead of "I wait for the Lord" and I like that better. It resonates more with me that my soul waits for the Lord and not my ego or my being, but my soul. "I wait for the Lord" or "my whole being waits for the Lord" doesn't strike as deep a chord as "my soul" does. "I wait for the Lord" doesn't feel very different from "watchmen waiting for the morning," whereas "my soul waiting for the Lord" feels very different. "My soul waits" is a different kind of waiting. It doesn't know when it will happen, although watchmen always know when morning will come. Watchmen feel like a more resigned waiting, you can't hurry it, but my soul is expectant and longs for it to happen. My soul feels like more of an active waiting, I know it's coming, I don't know when, I can't wait for the Lord to come, from something deep within me, primeval even. But watchmen are just doing a job, watching the clock. They know things will be safe when the sun rises and their job is over, for 12 more hours. Do I know things will be safe when the Lord comes? Yes, kinda. Although I don't know that God is "safe." Reminds me of the quote from the Chronicles of Narnia where Lucy says something to the effect of "Aslan isn't a tame lion." And I don't know that things will be safer when the Lord comes than they are now. "My soul waits for the Lord and in his word I put my hope" - that gives me confidence and security now. That gives me a feeling of safety now, though "a thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, it will not come near you" (Psalm 91:7). I feel safe, I am safe, now. I don't know whether things will be safer when the Lord comes. I'm not really worried about it. I am safe now, because God has me in his hands. Yes, I'm still going to lock my doors at night and not drive crazily, but I am safe now. My soul waits for the Lord, but not in order to feel or be safe. Safety's got nothing to do with it. My soul waits for the Lord because "what a day of rejoicing that will be!" (United Methodist Hymnal 701).
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
6 Things I've Learned about Chapel Hill in 13 Months
I have officially been serving in Chapel Hill for 13 months and thought it was time to reflect on what I've learned about this town. Granted, I was 14 the first time I visited Chapel Hill, but here's what I've learned after more extensive time spent among the townies:
1. There actually is a hill. Only, just like Crabtree Valley in Raleigh, you can't always tell it's there depending on which road you take to get here.
2. Not everyone is a Tar Heel. Probably about 95%, but there are some Duke fans, NC State fans, Virginia Tech fans, etc., who have snuck in.
3. Not everyone leans left. Chapel Hill and abutting Carrboro are known for being liberal, but there are some conservatives and moderates around, too.
4. Not everyone is in Chapel Hill because of UNC. Some folks think it's a great place to live and commute elsewhere in the Triangle for work, some moved here for family, others are from families who preceded the university and have been here since forever.
5. There's more to Chapel Hill than Franklin Street. Sure, it's the main place for university students, but locals know about other places...
6. Finally, there's an interesting relationship between the town and the church, or maybe the town and religion, I'm not sure. Chapel Hill is as picky as Cary, NC is about town ordinances and permits (Cary once ruled that the Gypsy Shiny Diner was too shiny and the restaurant had to plant big bushes around the building), but church members here imply their town's pickiness towards us is because we're a church. The process to construct the new parking lot involved a lot of bureaucracy; I can only imagine it'll be worse when we build the new building. It was also really weird during the 7 p.m.. Christmas Eve service to have the police pull someone over and they turned into our driveway and stopped directly in front of the sanctuary doors during the sermon!
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