Psalm 13:2a
"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts?" (NIV)
"How long must I bear pain in my soul?" (NRSV)
I wrestle with my thoughts so often. I have trouble letting them go. I stew on them. I can't move past them. And they're always negative thoughts that I hold on to the longest. Pain, hurts, suffering, injustice, abuse. I wrestle and my mind gets stuck. Sometimes because of hormones, sometimes because of fatigue, sometimes because of sheer stubbornness. I don't want to move on. I don't want to let it go. I want the injustices done to me to be atoned for, to be avenged, to be corrected - and then some. I want to wallow in my misery and for everyone to acknowledge that it is justified, that my misery is self-righteous, this is how I ought to respond.
But not everyone will do that. Most will acknowledge it's justified. Some will wallow with you. But sometimes you meet someone who responds to injustice with grace and love. They may be wrestling with their thoughts on the inside, but outwardly their words and their actions reflect nothing but grace. That's not mind over matter. It's more like mind over mind. Yes, this is what I think and feel, but that's not how I'm going to act. My speech is going to be gracious. My actions are going to be gracious. Hypocrisy? Maybe. Or just choosing a better way. Choosing to get past those thoughts. Deciding that pain in your soul is not the last word about you. It's not usually the easiest thing to do, especially if that pain runs deep. But "I trust in God's unfailing, steadfast love... for he has been good to me" (Psalm 13:6).
Heather, thank you again.
ReplyDeleteI think, what I like most about it, on a second read, is the turn in the middle... the "But" of the promise of Grace (chuck campbell is in my ear these days....).
Choosing Grace is far better than wallowing. but it's much harder.