"Go Be a Mom"

(written June 14, 2013 from my hotel room during Annual Conference after my child went to sleep for the night)

On Wednesday, the worship committee chair dismissed me from further duty that day by saying, "Go be a mom."  I cannot be a mom in isolation.  Not in the sense that I need a child to be a mom, but I cannot mother my child by myself.  It is not that a village raises a child as much as the village, the community, enables the parents to raise the child.  Enables, empowers, helps, resources.  I cannot be a mom by myself.  Not to discount my husband at all, simply that I spend more one-on-one time with our child and I have developed a sense of awe for single parents.  I don't know how they do it, unless they have a great support network of family and friends.  I cannot mother by myself, and I imagine neither can most others.  I need the support of my husband, my mother, my sisters, my best friends, the church, neighbors, and even strangers at a restaurant who will temporarily distract her from her fussiness when I'm struggling at it.  I need people I trust to allay my self-doubt and time and again reassure me that I'm a good parent, that I am doing what is best for her and for me.  I need a community in order to be a parent.  Not only has my appreciation of single parents grown, my understanding of another reason why extended families all used to live together - and still do in some cultures - has expanded.  When there are many adults, the burden is lighter, the responsibility is easier.  When aunts and uncles and grandparents and older cousins and siblings are around all the time, parenting is shared.  The week at the beach with my extended family was the easiest week of being a mom in 9 months, simply because it wasn't always me and it was rarely just me.  Being a mom is hard when it's just me.  Sometimes it feels downright impossible as I look at my child amid whatever mess we're in and don't know where to start cleaning it up.  I need the wisdom of others, even if they repeat back to me things I used to know.  I need the reassurance of others that I am making the best choices.  "Go be a mom" could not happen without many, many others.  If you are one of them, please accept my gratitude, from the bottom of my heart, and do not tire of enabling all of us parents to be parents.