Tuesday, February 21, 2017

How To Be Perfect without the Pressure

7th Sunday after the Epiphany
February 19, 2017
Matthew 5:38-48


            One of the kids’ current favorite movies is an animated comedy that came out in 2012 called “Wreck-It Ralph.” It’s one of those kids’ movies that also has a lot for the parents or adults who watch it with the kids. Wreck-It Ralph is part of an arcade video game which has 8-bit graphics, a throwback to 1980s video games with cameos by Sonic the Hedgehog and Pacman and Q*Bert. Ralph is the bad guy in his game, though, and he’s tired of being the bad guy. 

The good guy is Fix-It Felix, Jr, which is the name of the game, and when he fixes things he gets freshly baked pies and a medal at the end of the game; whereas Ralph gets thrown off the roof into a mud pit. Ralph doesn’t mind that, because it’s part of the game. What he minds is that even when the arcade is closed and there’s no game going, the other characters in his game still ostracize him and treat him as the bad guy. They can’t see him as anything else. When they throw a party for the 30th anniversary of their game, they don’t even invite Ralph. Fix-It Felix is the hero, even though Felix would have nothing to fix if Ralph didn’t wreck things in the first place. The storyline of the movie is how Ralph learns to be more than just a bad guy, and how the other characters of his game learn that there’s more to him than just wrecking things.
            I mentioned last week that the previous Friday I did a memorial service for a member of our community, and how that person wasn’t a great guy in some ways; he was an alcoholic. Yet his family also stressed to me how generous and giving he was, living out what Jesus says in our Gospel reading this morning: “When someone asks you for something, give it to him; when someone wants to borrow something, lend it to him.”[1] Jesus says to “Live generously.”[2] And that is what this person did. He wasn’t perfect, he didn’t have it all together; but he had that part right. I mentioned the service to a colleague of mine this past week and he told me that I got it right because I saw this guy as a whole person. The alcoholism was not the whole story on his life. The generosity was not the whole story on his life. They were both two parts of it; the good and the bad. And we all have that in each of us. We all have things we do well, teachings of Jesus that we excel at; we all have parts that we get right. And we all have parts that we struggle with. And all of that together makes up who we are.
            You see, who we are in our worst moments is not all of who we are. Who we are in our best moments is not all of who we are, either. Any snapshot of you is not going to tell the whole story, and that’s important to remember. Any title or role you have is not the whole story. You are more than the sum of all of these parts. You are not only a teacher or a mom or a caregiver or a driver or a cook. If you remember Psalm 139, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”[3] God intricately weaved you together in the depths of the earth.[4] God knows you better than you know yourself. And you can’t just look at one part of your life and say that’s who you are, that’s what defines you. There’s more to you than that.
            A link came up in my Facebook memories this past week that I had shared two years ago, and some of you read it and liked it two years ago. It was an open letter to 20-somethings who were caught in the anxiety of perfectionism and over-achieving. Generally speaking, we’re teaching our young people that they have to be perfect, and not only that but join the perfect sports team, go to the perfect school, find the perfect mate, do the perfect job. We’re setting the bar all the way up here, and it’s creating a lot of anxiety when we fail. I can remember in my 20s struggling with the idea of soulmate and, when dating a new guy, wondering “is he the one?” There is a lot of anxiety and pressure over this. The newest parenting book I’m now reading is called “The Gift of Failure,” reminding us parents that it’s okay for our children to fail, because that’s how they learn and how they become independent and how they become creative thinkers and contributors to society. We’ve got to let go of that perfectionism for our children and for ourselves. None of us is perfect. And what we think in our least perfect moments, what we think when we’re in the pit of despair, is not the whole picture.
            Part of that letter from Facebook says,
“We’re tempted to believe there is no cause for hope. We’re tempted to believe that at stake in every relationship is the possibility of finding our soulmate. We’re tempted to believe that the dissolution of intimate relationships means cruel rejection of our identity rather than deliverance from a potentially unhealthy union. The clock ticks, and we name each tick a curse rather than thanking God for the gift of time. We fail to see the world the way it really is.”
And it continues,
“Beloved child of God, set your eyes on the truth about the world and determine to live in that world, and not in the false world in which despair is possible. That’s not the real world. None of the stories we tell ourselves in our despair are truthful descriptions of the world. The truth about the world is that you do not have to become because you already are. God has already declared you worthy. You don’t need to achieve that. You simply need to embrace it. Luxuriate in it. And allow yourself the time and space to learn what it means to live as one already declared precious by God.”[5]
            God has already declared you God’s child, beloved and accepted by God. Wonderfully made by God. Fully known by God. Important to God. So all this striving, trying to be perfect, sometimes down to the minutiae of saying the perfect thing and wearing the perfect clothes, it’s tiresome. It’s tiring and it wastes our time and energy. We’re not perfect. To say so is to lie. Yet to give up hope and despair is also a lie. We are not who we may think we are at our worst moments. There’s more to us than that.
            So, all that being said, what are we supposed to do with the last verse of our Gospel passage today? It’s usually translated as, “Be perfect, therefore, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” There are two modern translations that do not say that. One says, “Therefore, just as your heavenly Father is complete in showing love to everyone, so also you must be complete.”[6] Yet even being told to be complete can add undue pressure. The other translation is the one I put for our call to worship this morning, because I think that translation we can work with a bit easier. It says, “You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”[7] Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you. God is generous and gracious towards us. God gives us everything we need, and then some. God is kind, compassionate, considerate, and good to us. Therefore, we are to behave that way and with that attitude toward others. That’s how we live in to the perfection God calls us to, that’s how we fulfill the Jesus’ teaching to be perfect, how the other translations put it.
            In Methodism, we put grace in three categories. Prevenient grace that comes before we even know we need God, that allows to get to know God. Saving grace, or justifying grace, which makes us right with God through Jesus saving us on the cross. And the last one is sanctifying grace, or perfecting grace. One of the questions asked at ordination is do you believe you will be made perfect in this lifetime, and you’re supposed to answer yes. It’s a hope, it’s something not yet realized, it’s the goal we seek, as we try to become more like Christ. As United Methodists, we believe we are going on to perfection. What that looks like is generous and gracious living, being generous and gracious toward others, because God is generous and gracious toward us. It’s kind of like that other bible verse where we’re told to love each other, because God first loved us. God loves us, therefore, we are to love each other. God is complete in showing love to everyone, God is perfect, God is generous and gracious toward everyone. Therefore, we are to be the same way. With God’s help, we can do it.



[1] Matthew 5:42, GNT
[2] Ibid., MSG
[3] Psalm 139:14a
[4] Psalm 139:15b
[6] Matthew 5:48, CEB
[7] Ibid., MSG

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